


These Eyes

by C1ashi1dr



Series: Thirteen Fanzine Prompt Week [6]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Movie Night, and very tired, let 13 sleep, the doctor is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24583750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C1ashi1dr/pseuds/C1ashi1dr
Summary: It's getting far too easy for the Fam to see through the Doctor, though she doesn't think there's anything she can do about it.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Graham O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Series: Thirteen Fanzine Prompt Week [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770349
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	These Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> so this one is really loose as far as the prompt goes (though there's a lot of eye imagery so that helps i guess) and I wanted to give our boy Ryan some time with the Doctor to really be a good member of the fam. this is for [@thirteenfanzine's](https://thirteenfanzine.tumblr.com/) prompt week, with the sixth prompt of "Eyes". Enjoy!

It’s one of those blink and you miss it kinda moments. The Doctor, perched over the console, trying to fix one of the levers that had gotten stuck during their last landing, looks up to see the Fam chatting, ready for their next adventure. It’s a moment she wants to frame, put up next to all the other pictures of moments like these, stored away next to pictures of Ace secretly mixing up Nitro-Nine, Susan staring in awe at the gardens on the TARDIS, Martha in the kitchen trying to make a cake for one occasion or another and so many others. 

The Doctor wishes she had a camera to catch it, glances up briefly at the ceiling, asking the TARDIS if she could do it. By the time her gaze returns to her companions, they’ve turned back to her. 

“Just a few more minutes, Fam,” the Doctor says, reluctant to break her own silence. Yaz nodded, meeting her eyes for a moment before turning back to listen to whatever Ryan was saying. The Doctor sighs quietly to herself and goes back to work, jiggling the lever back and forth. Nothing happens (she isn't expecting anything to) and she slumps back to her original position.

She catches her reflection off the crystal column, tired eyes and dark circles under then staring back at her. She's surprised that the Fam haven't made a comment about it yet. Maybe they think they'll catch her passed out somewhere. It wouldn't be the first time, though the Doctor is taking more precautions than usual to make sure they won't find her. It's a weakness she can't afford to show, not anymore.

"You look tired, Doc," Graham says from across the room. Maybe he can tell what she's thinking, though she doubts it. It's probably just that obvious. "Maybe we can take a break? Watch a few movies, rest a bit before the next big run about?" 

"I'm fine," the Doctor says, more on instinct than anything else. She doesn't see them exchange a glance, but she knows that's what they're doing. That's what they always do, even when she is looking.   
"Just need to get the TARDIS up and running again and we can be off. So many planets to see, so much life in the universe, you wouldn't even believe it." She takes a pause for a breath, waits for an interruption. It doesn't come, so she keeps going, filling the brewing silence with a garble of words that come out so fast she can barely understand them. "I did tell you where we were going next, right? Barcelona, the planet not the city. The city's horrible, but the planet's even bigger and better. They've got dogs there, but they haven't got any noses. The dogs, not the inhabitants. Just imagine it, Fam, dogs with no noses-"

"As great as that sounds, Doctor," Yaz interrupts her and the Doctor tries not to let her relief show. "I really would like a rest. It's been nonstop lately and I think an evening to unwind sounds wonderful."

"You know there's no evenings on the TARDIS, Yaz," the Doctor says, glad to shift into smoother territory. "Time in the TARDIS-"

"Doesn't' work the same as on Earth, I know Doctor," Yaz finishes with ease. "Might as well hang a sign on the wall that you can point." The words are said in jest, the Doctor knows but it doesn't help with the sting of hurt. She swallows thickly, nods.

"Alright then, bit of rest for the Fam," the Doctor says, plastering a smile on her face. They aren't convinced, she sees it in their eyes but she pushes forward. "Go ahead and rest up. I've got some things I need to work on here. Things to calibrate, parts to optimize. There's gotta be something in here I haven't touched." She's really thinking of curling up in the library with a book to settle her mind. Maybe she'll even get a chance to fall asleep, though doubt tickles the back of her mind. It's not likely, no matter how tired she is.

Ryan is the first to leave, scrambling out of the room at lightning speed, shouting about picking the movie and such. Yaz follows soon after, leaving just Graham and the Doctor in the console room. The air is thick with tension. The Doctor doesn't speak and neither does Graham, not for a long moment anyway. The Doctor almost moves away, back to the console when Graham finally speaks.

"You could come with us if you like." His voice is hesitant but inviting. "You don't have to repair the TARDIS all the time. I'm sure Ryan and Yaz would lo-"

"Got a lotta work to do," the Doctor says quietly. It keeps him from hearing the slight tremor to her words. "Maybe next time." She turns to he can't see her face as she fiddles with a switch. it doesn't matter if it does anything or not, she looks like she's doing something. And she's not looking at him.

"C'mon Doc, surely it can wait for a couple hours," Graham pushes and the Doctor opens her mouth to protest. "Please?"

"Fine," the Doctor says. "But you gotta promise me there's gonna be popcorn. Pretty sure I love popcorn this time around." 

"Whatever you say, Doc," Graham says, and he proceeds her out of the console room. The glow is at her back and she wonders if it shields those tired circles from view. Hopefully the darkness of the movie room will do that as well.

Ryan has already picked the movie when they get there, lounging on the couch in the middle of the media room with his feet propped up on the coffee table. Yaz has taken the floor, sitting cross legged, though the Doctor is almost certain she'll change the position after a few minutes. Like her, Yaz isn't very good at sitting still. 

The movie is some sci-fi movie that the Doctor has to bite her tongue to keep from pointing out all the inaccuracies. Not that she can blame early space travel humanity for the choices they've made but really? So many things they've gotten wrong over the years, it's almost a travesty.

After that, it's one movie after another until a tired Graham throws in the towel. Yaz is asleep on the floor by the third movie, stretched out on the ground, a pillow under her arms. The Doctor doesn't have the heart to wake her and she certainly doesn't have the heart to tell Ryan they should probably stop the movies. He's having too much fun.

Eventually though, when her eyes finally start to droop and she's about to slip into sleep, propped against the couch, Ryan pauses the movie and looks at her. Half his face is washed in light from the TV screen, the other in shadows. The Doctor notes the contrast but focuses on staying awake.

"Y'should go to bed," he says after a long moment. "You look positively knackered."

"I do not," she says, glancing away at the screen. "And the movie isn't finished."

"You don't care about the movie," Ryan says, then his tone softens anymore if it could. "It's alright that you're tired. You may not be human, but you still need rest sometimes." When she doesn't answer, he sighs. "Doctor, look at me."

She turns her gaze to him, obeying the slight command. She does it almost on instinct, too tired to protest too much. 

"You're tired. We all can see it. Hell, you've got those huge bags under your eyes and you expect us to think you're alright?"

"I've gotta be alright," she says, because it's the truth. "So you can be not alright."

"That's not how it works," Ryan says, and he sounds sad, not angry. The Doctor mentally kicks herself. Humans are so hard to figure out, they're so empathetic. "And you know it Doctor. I can see it in your eyes."

"These eyes," she mutters with more malice than she knew she had in her. "They're so open. nothing like my last ones. Everyone can tell what 'm thinking, what 'm feeling. They're stupid. Defective." She tries to stop the grimace, she really does, but it breaks out across her face without permission. She's so tired, her walls are starting to crumble on a sofa in the middle of the media room with Ryan right there, watching her so carefully. “I’d change ‘em out if I still had the energy.”

"You're one of the greatest people I've met, Doctor," Ryan says, and there's enough conviction in his voice that she actually believes it. "An' I don't say that lightly. You're so kind and you help people even when it could hurt you and you keep all of us safe. You need to take care of yourself every once and awhile." He smiles softly, a kind expression. "And you've got really good eyes." He pauses for a moment, stilling before backtracking almost immediately. It's so quick, the Doctor almost laughs. "Not in a weird way. Just saying that whatever your eyes were like last go around or whatever, these ones a good too."

Before he can get too flustered, she interjects. "Thanks Ryan. Really." For the first time in recent memory, the Doctor yawns and settles against the sofa. "Let the movie play, probably fall asleep here anyway." 

Ryan smiles and turns back to the screen, though the Doctor can see him keeping an eye on her even through her half closed eyes.   
r own silence.

**Author's Note:**

> nothing like a little Good Man Ryan to cleanse the soul. come check me out [@joanwolfe](https://joanwolfe.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, i take prompts and am generally feral on there. i usually announce new projects there ahead of time along with updates about fics. with shameless self-promotion out of the way, i also want to say to check out some of the stuff on [@thirteenfanzine's](https://thirteenfanzine.tumblr.com/) blog. the art that's coming out of this prompt week is really awesome and everyone writing is so talented. there's also the fanzine itself which is awesome too. 
> 
> as always, try to stay safe and sane
> 
> ~~jo


End file.
